Purge

I read Interrupted. I read 7. I even read Barefoot Church. I read my Bible.

I cleaned out my work room, the kitchen, the guest room, and maybe even my daughter's room. I got rid of a bunch of stuff. But still seem to have a bunch of it. I have not yet dared to do much in my son's room besides direct him to put away some trash and pick up the legos please.

I cleaned up my priorities and weekly calendar, shifting my work schedule so that I have more time to be a neighbor (as I have been very clearly directed over and over, even in person by Jen Hatmaker herself). To be a deacon to a couple of ladies in our church and the widow next door and to be a granddaughter to grandparents in failing health. To create more. To be more of the person God wants me to be. To have room to breathe.

I read Radical. I read my Bible some more, trying more for every day. I keep counting my thanks, doing the math to see how many I need to hit 1000 by the end of the year. I started working in prayer for each country in the Africa study with my son. I wait to hear of opportunities to serve outside my area within the next year. I ponder how God is prying me away from all those yes's I said at the church so I have time to do the work he wants me to do. I find this bizarre, and a bit troubling.

I thought more about where to cut and started to quit a "leadership team" (committee) at the church, one that did not fit my heart so much. One of the ministers said stay, just do what you can do. God sent me a random blog post email telling me to pass on the baton. So I fired off an email and quit the team, hoping that this was the thing I was supposed to leave undone. Another yes turned into a no.

I'm still just trying to figure out what it means to be a neighbor to the two or three steady households around me. I began planning an advent giving list, hoping this is one way to do that.

At work today I buy wipes and shoes for other neighbors, the kind that don't live next door. I take a woman to the bank and to pay her phone bill, amazed again at the tangle of words and thoughts coming from her mouth, wondering again what happened to cause this crack in her mind. I learn more about the work I need to do with the student I mentor, leaning again on God to do this because I don't know how to help someone who doesn't want to learn anymore.

He is purging more, pushing me to lean on him, to live more like those in the biographies, so full of faith in him. I think about working more to earn a bit more, and then read of Lilian Trasher working herself sick to feed the orphans in her care, and God telling her instead to just pray. I too will continue to pray, knowing that he is clearing out all this junk I've accumulated in my life to make more room for him, and for what I can do for him.

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

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